Remove the SSL security layer to unleash meaningful conversations.
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
I listen to her just to answer. As we are having conversations, I am thinking about the next move. I am digging deep into my bag of complaints to respond. Then she fights back.
Five minutes later, our conversation turned into a verbal game. Finally, we are ready to punch each other with some prepared lines.
Yes, we all have been there. The story is about my partner. It can also be with our parents or colleagues at the office. We have two ears and one mouth. Yet we are quick to answer.
A study showed that the velocity of our answers is more significant than the speed of light. Well, that is not entirely true. Yet that is the feeling I have.
Before we get to the wrong side of SSL, let’s see why we need SSL in the first place.
THE HISTORY OF EMAILS AND SECURE CONVERSATIONS.
Bear with me. You will thank me later.
What the hell is SSL?
I am glad you (did not) ask.
“Transport Layer Security (TLS) is a cryptographic protocol designed to provide communications security over a computer network. The protocol is widely used in applications such as email, instant messaging, and voice-over IP, but its use in securing HTTPS remains the most publicly visible. […] builds on the now-deprecated SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) specifications.”
Transport Layer Security — Wikipedia (2023, January 16).
SSL certificates ensure secure connections between you and any machine on the internet so that nobody is getting between you and your Amazon Prime convulsive purchase. Just kidding. I am not a compulsive Amazon Prime user.
In the computer world, SSL creates trusty connections in a safe and secure environment where two computers can exchange bits meaningfully.
WHAT IS SSL IN OUR HUMAN WORLD, AND WHY IS IT DIFFERENT FROM THE IT WORLD?
Each time I am conversing with my partner, colleagues, or friends, I naturally protect myself consciously or not with my human SSL:
Now welcome to my SSL certificate in my mad worldview. How are you deploying your SSL certificates in your interactions with the rest of the world?
1. SIGHT — I am not seeing you each time I see you. Well, not as you see yourself. There are many barriers between you and my sight. I will see you through how your attitude is challenging my insecurities. I will see you through my limiting beliefs. I will see you through the memories I had with people and situations tampered with by the past.
The moment I see you, I automatically switch to my systematic boxing mode. I have some predefined labels on doors in my mind. Before your first word hits my ears, I have been a judge, jury, and executioner. I have been watching the world through the dirty glasses of my worldview.
2. SOUND — Each time I hear the sound of your voice, I activate my gate speakers. Those fences will filter only what I want to hear so I can respond to you with my worldview faster than the speed of light.
I might even be irritated by the sound of your voice in my ears. So I pretend to listen to you with a fake smile and some nods. I am just an empty vessel to your sound, echoing my words.
Your voice might be the most beautiful melody to your ears after your name. But, to me, your voice is just the white noise ruining the symphony of my universe.
You might think that we are having a conversation. Nope. We are a monologue, and I have not shared the warning sign of that road with you. Sorry, my human fellow, you have been duped by my fake smile.
3. LISTENING — Let’s say I am listening to your words. In reality, I am not seeking to understand you. I will learn nothing from you. Instead, I will use my gate filters to safeguard my biased view of the world.
I will learn nothing from our conversations. All I will get is one of two things. Number one, your filtered words will feed my worldview. Number two, we have nothing in common. So go back to your world. And leave me alone, listening to the music of my echo chamber.
I am not interested in learning from you. Either you feed my worldview or are just a sound to be filtered out.
I don’t want you to challenge my worldview with your words. I don’t want you to shatter the weak beliefs I have held on to my entire life. I don’t want to hear you because, deep down, I fear that you might be right.
That has been my SSL most of my life. Contrary to computers, my SSL certificate is there first and foremost to feed my worldview. Then I would feel like other people do not see me as I am. I feel like they are irritated each time I open my mouth. I am speaking the truth to them, and they are not listening.
Yes, I see the smile on your face. Please stop. My SSL certificate is not a certificate. It is a one-way street ticket to my heaven and a dead end.
I am learning to create more SSL certificates like computers do. I am learning to be aware of my biases when I see people. I am trying to silence my mind and listen with open ears with a closed mouth. I am being conscious of my perfect imperfections as a human being.
I will never know it all. I need to learn it all.
I need to silence my ego and nurture the eco in me. I need to silence the echoes of my voice to echo other people’s.
I am moving from sight to light. I am moving from sound to soul. I am moving from listening to genuinely listening.
Truly listening, letting the light through, and welcoming the soul of humanity are the new fabrics of my updated SSL.
My TSL (Truth, Light, Soul) is making my old SSL obsolete. I am still a work in progress. Yet I am moving toward more meaningful conversations with my partner, family, friends, and colleagues.
I seek first to understand before trying to be understood. That is my new paradigm shift. That is the way I proceed before answering.
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#BIOS #BringInyourOwnSoul #LeadHeartship #Leadership
You can read my previous article on How much enough is enough? Look at that PICture every day. (Friendly link)
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