The 1 System to reach a true connection with anyone: Welcome to the SOLER system!
Most of us will spend our whole life stuck in one system: the solar system. Yes, it is a beautiful system. It can provide us all with unlimited energy, the cycle of night and day, the water we need to survive on Earth.
Yet this system is just the ground layer to our basic survival in this part of the universe, our physical survival.
We all agree that we are more than our physical body. We all believe that we have an immaterial aspect of ourselves: a soul, a light, an energy being, or whatever shape or form we use to represent our inner selves.
How often do you discuss with someone, and then feel like you did not have a genuine conversation?
We all have been there. And with 2020, with all the Zoom, Meet, Skype meetings, we have never felt so much disconnected in an era when we never had so many tools to communicate.
In this article, we will discuss how to really connect with our fellow human beings, soul to soul, light to light, energy to energy, or any mix of the previous entities.
Indeed, as we are approaching the end of the year 2020, we see 2021 as a new hope. A hope to be able to reconnect physically with friends, family, and colleagues. We want to be able to get the strongest and more genuine conversations when given the possibility again, in this new world.
We will discover the 4 benefits of this new SOLER system.
Let’s first discover the planets behind this new SOLER system.
- S (Square)
- O (Open)
- L (Lean)
- E (Eye Contact)
- R (Relax)
SQUARE, FACE SQUARELY — Imagine that you are having a conversation with another person. Imagine that there is a line running from your left shoulder to your right shoulder. Imagine that there is a dot at each end of that line. Imagine that the same principle applies to the other person. You are 2 lines with 2 dots. Your first step is to make sure that you are creating a square with that person when discussing with them, each dot representing the corner of that square.
OPEN, KEEP AN OPEN POSTURE — Imagine that you are trying to hug your friend that you haven’t met physically since the start of the Covid19 pandemic. Imagine the first moments of that reunion. You will open your arms widely, in a V shape, to create a warm space to welcome your friend. You should have the same open posture when discussing with someone. Having an open body language and an open mind will guarantee more genuine conversations.
LEAN, ALWAYS FORWARD — Leaning forward conveys the message that you are shifting the attention from you to the other person. Of course, we will need to adjust the distance depending on the relationship we have with the other person. We want to make that distance as minimal as possible without making the other person feel uncomfortable. We don’t want to lean back far from the other person if we really want them to feel that what we are discussing is important to them. Lean forward and pay forward for this conversation.
EYE CONTACT, MAKE IT GOOD — My #GranPa used to tell me that if I want to see somebody’s soul, I must look through their eyes. Yes, as you look through the keyhole to see chat behind that magic door to Wonderland, the eye is the keyhole to anybody’s soul. Of course, this rule has to be adapted to the culture of the other person. Yet it is a powerful tool to have real, powerful conversations. Be it to flirt with someone or to just listen to your best friend or colleague going through some challenging times.
RELAX, KEEP CALM AND — Often we approach discussions as a way to get something from the other person. This makes us tense because the stakes are very high for us. Be it an interview for our dream job, pitching our project to get funding, our first date with our crush, we must approach all those conversations as relaxed as possible. We must seek first to understand before trying to be understood. We must just be calm and relax and enjoy the conversation. It is just a moment of exchange where everyone has something to bring to the conversation. It is not about losing or winning, it is just about sharing some words together.
There you have it, the SOLER system:
The SOLER system can be used also when you are doing a talk, a presentation. Take all the steps above, replace the other person with your audience, and start that genuine conversation.
The SOLER system is a gift, a flower that you hand over to each person you are having a conversation with. Of course, a flower free of charge. That is the magic of it.
TWO MORE THINGS — Yes, I just don’t give you “one more thing” like Apple. I give not 2 tips. I give you 3, for free. You can call me Mad, Zegenerous! On top of applying the 5 steps of the SOLER system, here are those 3 bonus tips for those of you who have read until here.
Use Active listening — and not a passive one. To do so, make sure to summarize, rephrase, and repeat to them what they have said to you.
Build a bridge — and not a wall. Yes, make sure that each word you are saying is a bridge brick, not a wall brick. Choose your words kindly.
Call them by their name — not you. Yes, the most amazing, most beautiful world for each of us is our name. Yes, that name is the sweetest song to our ears.
Be it over the phone, via virtual calls, or face to face, I always strive to apply the SOLER system in all my conversations with other people. I want them to feel like they got a flower out of our conversation. This is the gift that I want them to get out of our conversation.
No matter how difficult or challenging the conversation, if we enter it with the intention to give, we can only receive something good out of it. It can be even just the pleasure of giving intentionally without expecting anything in return.
I hope that by using these tips, you will be able to have meaningful conversations with your loved ones, your friends, your colleagues, and any person that will cross your path.
Gift them with a flower that they would be proud to bring with them when they take their last breath on Earth.
What are your tips for great conversations?
When was your last amazing conversation, with who?
How do you approach your conversations with others, in general?
Leave a comment below.
If you find this article of value to you, please like it and share it within your sphere of influence.
#BIOS #BringInyourOwnSoul #LeadHeartship #Leadership
You can read my previous article on Ze AMC’s Breaking Brave, or How 2020 is a metaphor for my life in a nutshell. Say Hi to Alter Black.